Waiting….

A few weeks ago, Liberty asked to take a picture of me. Oh the perspective of a 5 year old. This week, a little girl in Liberty's class at Classical Conversations said, "Whoa! That looks big! AND it looks REALLY heavy!"

I really thought that I would have this baby before my due date. I guess he didn't get the memo that Multiparous women are supposed to deliver early. 

I started to feel really discouraged. I have been walking around at 4-5CM and 70% effaced for the past 2 weeks. I really expected to see some progress this week, and was contemplating having my membranes swept. Until I learned that I have polyhydramnios. It is far to risky to do any intervention unless the baby's head is well engaged.
In my Bible reading I came across Paul talking about being thankful in all circumstances.  Sometimes it is so easy to lose sight on all of our blessings. I am not sleeping well and am uncomfortable~ but I am growing a baby! I have the privilege of sharing in God's miracle and He has chosen us to bestow another blessing on.
I am choosing to relish my last few hours, days or weeks of this pregnancy and remember that God has the perfect timing planned for this baby to make his arrival. My arms are aching to hold him. Until then, I will be content in all circumstances.
We had the privilege of having Renee at Little Earthing Photography do some maternity photos for us. Be sure to click over and see her amazing work!

Oh Baby!

My last 3 pregnancies I have been considered high risk due to a genetic condition I have called Factor V, Leyden MTHFR. It causes excessive clotting in the blood, and was one of the main contributing factors to the Pulmonary Embolism that I had after Ian's birth. 

It also means that I am at risk for a small baby (we know that hasn't proven true), and placenta issues. 

 As a result I have lots more screening that has to occur to give the doctors some peace of mind. The recommendation is that I come in 2 times weekly for Non Stress Tests (NST) and BPP's (bio physical profile). I told them that I would consent to one test a week but I did not want to do 2.
It really goes against all my beliefs of just letting pregnancy progress, and letting the baby be. In addition they are highly recommending that I stop my medication and then get an induction. Last time they would not take no for an answer, so I scheduled the induction then just didn't show up.
Unless there is a medical reason, I plan to let him come when he is supposed to come.

 As a result of all these ultrasounds we have gotten to see our little one's 3D image. He always has a hand up by his face so we have not gotten a super clear image. It is fun to see his cute little cheeks but we still wonder if he will have the infamous Slocum dimples. I used to try to give myself dimples by pressing my fingers into my cheeks and sucking in my cheeks. I never got any, but all 7 of my children and my husband have dimples. I get to enjoy all the dimples around me instead of having some I can't see.

Here, he has a cute little pout, and furrowed brows. I am getting excited to meet him, hold him, kiss his sweet cheeks and nurse this little guy. I can't wait to see if he is as active outside as he is on the inside. I remember when they told me that my placenta was attached on the front and that I probably wouldn't feel my baby move much. I was very disappointed. However, God allowed me the joy of feeling him. Not only that, but I can watch my belly move. I get so excited that I want to tell everyone else to watch too!
I am officially 37 weeks. The countdown begins.

Baby Bump

After our Anniversary trip we stopped at Old Navy so that I could get a couple skirts to help extend my wardrobe for the next few weeks. Sean saw the model and laughed at her "baby bump". Granted, this time around I am much larger than I have ever felt before.

Pregnant model at Old Navy

 Complete with new stretch marks, measuring at least 3 weeks over my actual dates, varicose veins and heartburn that I have never experienced before. For the first time ever, in my whole life, I am having trouble sleeping. Anytime I am tempted to complain, I remember how blessed I am to get to do this again. I have so many women in my circle of friends who are unable to have babies. The reasons are as varied as the women, infertility, health issues, miscarriage, and unwilling husbands. My heart breaks for them. Yet, it helps me to keep perspective on what a huge responsibility and gift this baby is.

Me, 7 months pregnant at Old Navy

After Liberty was born, I was torn about completely trusting God with our family size. We always had, but her birth along with the 2 prior were tough and traumatic. After her birth I struggled with anxiety. I clung to the verse Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God, and the Peace of God, which passes all understanding shall guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
I began praying for an answer. Then my hormones took a dive. I started to really struggle with rage, and contentment. After a visit to my naturopath, I discovered that I had ZERO progesterone in my system. I was elated! Not only was there a reason for my crazy moods, but I was officially in menopause which meant no more pregnancy and no more birth. It also meant no more babies, but a very clear answer to prayer.

Almost 8 months.

It was strange being in a different place. I was no longer the woman with all the little kids. All my children were potty trained, sleeping through the night and we actually make progress when we go berry picking. I finally took down and gave away my crib. I filled my fall and winter with births. I love being with pregnant women. Helping them, supporting them, and cuddling with their delicious newborns. I couldn't deny that my desire for another baby in my arms was pretty strong. I knew that it wasn't possible. Still, every month I found myself hoping that by some miracle I might be pregnant. I knew that would involve a certain amount of anxiety, lots of Lovenox shots, and Birth, but it also meant a baby. 

So I prayed, "Lord, please either fulfill this desire for a baby, or take it away!" I really expected Him to take the desire away, I mean that is the most logical answer. The following week I had some bleeding, like 6 hours one day. I was annoyed and the only thought I had was, "I wonder what that was all about?" 

The next month I found my self sick, extremely tired and tender. When I finally convinced myself to take a pregnancy test I was shocked. The only thing I could do was bring that little stick with the 2 lines on it downstairs and set it on the counter in front of Sean. I had absolutely no idea what his reaction was going to be. He looked at it, then looked at me and grinned great big. We decided to keep it a secret for a few weeks ( I am not one for secrets) but it was fun to have him call during the day and say, "We are having a baby!" or whisper, "You're pregnant". I feel like this baby had truly brought us closer together. I'm still not sure the reality of it has fully hit me, but for now I am determined to enjoy the bliss of these final 6 weeks of pregnancy. Praise God from whom all blessings come!

Baby Bump

It's difficult to know where to start when I have not blogged since September! I will give a quick update of my baby belly. 

October 2013

 Sean and I were both shocked and ecstatic to learn that we would be adding another baby to our family. I had morning sickness until about 24 weeks. I really think attitude has a lot to do with how I deal with it. Every time I was tempted to be discouraged or frustrated about my lack of appetite or ability to keep anything down I remembered how blessed I am to be able to carry a baby again.

October 2013

 The injections are part of it for me, the bruising isn't fun. Especially when my children seem to find the prime spot to bump, and bump it constantly. Again, just part of keeping me and baby healthy.

November 2013

 I am trying to be purposeful in documenting the growing belly, but since I am the one with the camera it seems vain to ask someone to take my photo. I am also terrible at the whole self portrait thing, so you will have to take what you can get!
I was sad when my doctor told me that I probably would not feel the baby move much since my placenta was attached on the front of my uterus. I could stare at my belly all day and I love it when other people want to feel the baby move. To my delight once I felt the baby move I have the privilege of feeling it all the time.

December 2013
The tag says: "Do not open until April 12, 2014"

 My children love to feel and will even compete over whose turn it is. Liberty is in love and will greet my belly before she hugs or kisses me. Sean, who has always been a bit freaked out by the baby is enjoying it more this time too. I love that. He likes to talk to the baby and see how close the baby comes to kicking him. We have a pretty accurate little one in there.

January 2014

 At my 30 week appointment I was already measuring 37 weeks and the ultrasound showed that the baby was 97%. The doctor made sure that I understood math and told me "That means that only 3% of babies are bigger than yours."
Yes, I understand. I talked them out of making me drink the horrible glucose drink and for my gestational diabetes test I ate a cream filled donut, flavored yogurt, and drank a flavored latte. I definitely do not have diabetes.

January 2014

 My initial weight dropped 10 pounds and now I am +10 of my original weight, so that isn't an issue either. I guess small babies just are not in our genes.
I have been reading and re reading Bible verses that discuss fear and what God requires of us instead. I am both eager and excited for labor and birth and paranoid about it. I have done this 7 times! 7 times. I am blessed.

January 2014
My attempt at a Self Portrait

This fall I attended 22 births and taught 3 different classes. Birth is in my blood. I know what I want. I know how I want it to go, who I want attending my birth and even when it would be convenient for the baby to arrive. I know that none of that is ultimately up to me.
For now, I will cherish being pregnant, feeling the baby move and the blessing God has so generously given us.

And So It Begins...

This week marks the beginning of a new homeschooling year. Yesterday we began a new program called, Classical Conversations. The children go once a week for tutoring and the rest of the learning and teaching happens at home. 

I new we needed something different after all the struggles last year and this seems like an answer to prayer. I always say, "Be careful what you pray for." 

I know this is going to be difficult. I have more accountability, the children have more accountability and there is much more writing that we have ever done before. Not to mention, the Latin! I plan on learning a lot and covet prayers for my patience and grace as we go through these growing pains. 

I also began my twice daily Lovenox shots this week. This is a medication that I must take when I am pregnant to help prevent blood clots. For some reason it was emotional for me to start. Not because it hurts, it does not feel good but I have felt much worse, but I think because it means that birth is that much closer. I struggle with anxiety surrounding the actual birth much more these past couple of pregnancies. After I finally worked out the dosage with the doctor ( I had to hang up on him once because I had a child with a minor head wound that was bleeding profusely) I felt like I could breathe easier.

We started cutting our logging truck loads of wood this week. We got 5 cords or dry moved and ready for use and over half the load bucked, split and some stacked. I had some very hungry, sore and tired people on my hands. I feel a sense of security about knowing that I will be warm this winter. I almost am looking forward to cozy fires and reading books ~ Almost. I am not quite ready to say good bye to the warm sunshine. 

Sean and I have ridden the past couple mornings in the fog. I have to say it is not a beginning that eagerly anticipate. It sure was nice this morning when the sun (behind all the clouds) came over the horizon and lit up the sky.

My garden is in full bounty and begging me to can. I managed 21 pints of blackberry jam, 7 pints of balsamic fig jam, a dozen pints of rhubarb jam. Up next: green beans, corn, and peas.
Last week we managed  hike a Baker, a trip up to Canada, dentist appointments for all the children, a potluck and orientation for Classical Conversations, a fabulous party with some wonderful homeschooling friends and a Doula Client meeting.
Maybe I am ready for fall and life to slow down a little. 

Pregnancy

Alas, no photos my husband has the 2 older boys at a cub scout event and took the camera with him. I am hoping he actually took pictures.
Last night after a full day of a field trip to an apple farm, shopping at the local consignment store, picking apples at a different farm, tending to the bees and the children, making dinner and doing laundry I sat down and noticed the contractions that I had been feeling off and on all day were coming on much stronger so I timed them for a half and hour and I had 10 contractions in that amount of time. After a call to the Doctor we went in to labor and delivery and they monitored me for a few hours. Sean sat in the van with the kids because half of them were sleeping. He read to the ones that were still awake. The contractions were strong enough to show on the monitor but not enough that they wanted to do anything about it. So I was checked for infection and sent home for some much needed rest.
I am still experiencing some contractions today but not as intense. I am so thankful for this baby and the life that God has created in me. Please pray for continued health and a full-term baby. Our God is sovereign and this is a reminder to me to trust Him in all things.